Guys, I’m single and I’m in New York (which I’m realising is a pretty horrifying place to date). There’s only one thing for it. I need to go on The Bachelorette.

Okay, this isn’t very true and I’ve never actually watched an episode. But there were open auditions at ABC’s studios in Midtown tonight, so why wouldn’t I go?

Rachel (the real Bachelorette fan between us) and I headed up to the casting after work and were relieved to see there was no queue outside. Ahh, but once we’d passed through the metal detectors (who knows what these women will do to get their man), there they were: The ladies. Tables filled with hundreds of them – primped, powdered and pouting.

I was aware I didn’t look anything like them but I shook off any insecurities with the knowledge I have an accent and picked up an application form. Rachel and I got to work answering reams of questions (What do you want in a relationship? Why haven’t your relationships worked? Why will you find love on the show?) as we waited for our photos to be taken.

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As the wait dragged on, we stretched our legs and spied a table filled with donuts. Yes, that’s right. The geniuses at ABC thought it would be appropriate to get Dunkin Donuts to sponsor an event filled with competitive women squeezed into bandage dresses. Of course, none had been touched.

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Don't even think about it ladies

Don’t even think about it ladies

A mere two hours later, and we were up. Head shots, full body shots and close ups while holding signs with our names and numbers. Some of the lovely ladies were throwing their hair back, hands on hips, boobs out. I squirmed a bit and chatted to the photographer about British sandwich fillings.

I'm up!

I’m up!

rachel

A shorter wait later, and we were behind the video cameras. Again, I went through my hobbies (‘Erm, I have a new hobby every day because of my really great blog’), my relationship history and why I want to be on the show. I was told to say my name, age and profession – and then afterwards assured the cameraman that ‘news reporter’ didn’t mean I was a mole, honest.

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I thought my answers were pretty succinct (Rachel even called them eloquent), and I was more comfortable in front of the camera than I expected. But while I thought I was pretty creative with my answers, I listened to some of the other girls’ responses when I was finished and they were exactly the same as mine. Well there goes my husband.

As for the women there: Rachel said she had a few bitchy looks, but I found all the girls so nice. Everyone was so chatty and friendly and sweet. Not to mention smoking hot. Where did they come from? And what is wrong with the men in New York not to see them?!

The only moment of horror came when I overheard two girls talking entirely seriously about when they were going to quit their jobs to move onto the show. Not if – when.

Me and some of the lovely ladies

Me and some of the lovely ladies

This was a really interesting process to see, and while I felt it was a little bit of a circus, it was also pleasantly surprising. The girls I chatted with were so down to earth and the interviewers managed to keep up the impression our answers were interesting.

Of course the worst part was a long wait. But I think there’ll be an even longer one if I actually expect to hear back from them.

Still no takers

Still no takers