I had planned on taking a food tour of the historic Pike Place Market when I arrived in Seattle today, but thanks to fog clogging the coastline this morning, my flight was delayed and I missed it. But not to be defeated (or left hungry), I did a cheeky DIY tour – based on reports reviewers had made about the real tour online.

I nibbled on cheese samples, free fruit slices, bottomless cups of tea and even savory crumpets (you can take the girl out of England etc). And after all that, I took a fair few doggy bags so I should be sorted for the rest of the trip month.

The gift market section was part twee, part kitsch and has some bizarre fare, but the tunnels of food and book stores – both off the street and underground – could entertain for hours.

It wasn’t as busy as I assume it gets in summer and one fishmonger – coincidentally from NYC – even had the time to give me some lines. (But there was no taking the bait.)

I also resisted buying anything at the First Ever Starbucks, which has kept its original signage and sells hoards of overpriced stuff with the first ever mermaid emblem (later censored to have her hair covering her baps).

And no calling me a fatty, because I more than walked off my feast with trips to the Seattle Needle and the Seattle Rep Theater to watch Mamet’s American Buffalo (where I sat next to the lead’s proud father – who could just about see over my belly):